The Love of My Life
by ImSoCooliPissIceCubes
Summary: The passing of Derek Shephard makes things clearer for a certain Orthopedic Surgeon. One-Shot.


"Derek's dead."

The shock when I heard the news was beyond my comprehension. Derek Shephard, the Neuro God, the husband, father, brother and friend, was gone.

The love of Meredith's life, was gone. No longer would she see him come through their door and greet her with a kiss. No longer would she see him greet his kids with a big smile, kiss and hug. Those poor babies. Zola and Bailey are going to grow up, only hearing stories of their amazing father. I know the struggle, because Sofia will only hear stories of her father as well. When Mark died, I struggled with how I was going to keep his memory alive in Sofia. I can show her pictures and tell her stories until I stop breathing, but her memories will fade over time. That's a tragedy in itself.

"Are you okay?" A voice breaks my thoughts and I look up to see Arizona staring at me with such concern that I can't say anything. I just shake my head and let a tear fall. Meredith lost the love her life in such a horrific way and here I am, letting the love of my life just slip through my fingers.

Hell, Meredith and Derek have been through nearly what Arizona I have been through and maybe more. Plane crashes, drownings, ex wives reappearing, break ups, make ups, bombs, shootings, Derek being in DC while Meredith stayed here... the list goes on. They made it through though, and have 2 beautiful babies because of it.

I knew Arizona was the love of my life the minute she asked if she was my girlfriend. I just knew it. I knew I would never feel a love like this with anyone else. No matter how hard I try to move on from her, it's just impossible. No matter how many dates or people I kiss, they will never be Arizona. I don't know why I was kidding myself thinking that maybe if we just weren't together anymore, that we would be happier. The truth is, when things were good between us, I had never ben happier in my entire life.

"You are the love of my life Arizona." I hear myself saying. I didn't mean to say it outloud. And by the looks of her face, she wasn't expecting to hear it. Can't turn back now.

"Calliope..."

"You are. Meredith just lost the love her life... forever. There's no coming back from death Arizona. You are right here infront of me and I'm just letting you walk away. I ended us because I thought we would be happier. I've gone on dates trying to feel _something_ to no avail. I've done everything but sleep with someone to try to get over this feeling that I made a horrible mistake in letting you go, but nothing works. Even if you don't say anything, and you just want to forget everything I just said... please know that you, Arizona Robbins, are the love of my life, and nothing will ever change that."

With nothing left to say, I turn around and walk out of the hospital. I can't look at her face when she tells me that nothing has changed. We're still not together and it was going to stay that way. I couldn't see it. I said what I needed to say.

I sit on the bench just outside the hospital. The air feels different. When you lose one of your own, it does something to your heart. It closes it in a vice grip and it physically pains you to breathe. Derek was a good man. He didn't deserve this. Meredith and her kids didn't deserve this.

I stay outside for about half and hour before I go back inside to get Sofia from the daycare. It's time to go home. I pick up my girl and get her settled into the SUV, with a cartoon playing for her. Her quiet giggles keep a smile on my face despite the devistation of the day. When I pull up, I lose all breath in mu lungs. Standing on the porch, is Arizona. I quickly get out of the car and get Sofia out too. Once she sees her Mama, she sprints to her. Nobody can deny that Sofia is Arizona's just as much as she is mine. She acts just like her. Her mannerisms and bubbly attitude are all Arizona.

"Hey sweetheart." Arizona says as she picks our daughter up and hugs her. Sofia spends the next 5 minutes telling her Mama what happened in daycare and I'm just standing there like a dope, wondering what's going on. Of course she can see Sofia whenever she wants, I've never denied her of that... but she rarely shows up to the house. I always bring Sofia to her. When Sofia runs out of things to say, she asks to be put down so she can play with her toys in the living room. I unlock the door, Arizona's perfume meeting my nose when I walk past her. If it were possible, my heart tightens even more. When Sofia is finally in the living room, I turn around.

"What's up?" I lamely ask, because apprently, I'm not a well educated doctor at the moment.

Arizona just looks at me and I let her. I let her look at me as long as she wants. Finally, the words I never thought I'd hear again leave her beautiful mouth.

"You are the love of my life Calliope Iphegenia Torres. You always will be. I love you."

_Oh..._ That smile.

_**Just a One Shot. Last nights episode was a tear jerker, even though I was expecting it. I know this will probably never happen, but I can dream. I'm sory about the extreme lack of updates on my stories. I've been mega busy with work and personal problems going on with some family members. A new schedule is being done at work, that will give me 3 days off a week, so I should start having time to write again. **_


End file.
